you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
