Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
