It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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