your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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