he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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