no, he came in my armpit
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
