Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
