Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
