do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
