Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
