Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I won the penis lottery.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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