before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
