I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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