i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
