I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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