im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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