i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
