After last night, I could never be a politician.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize