i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I came so hard my ears popped.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
