I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
