Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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