My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
