i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
