i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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