totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
