Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
