so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
