Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
