my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
