i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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