dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
