I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Houston, we have a blender
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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