But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
