We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
