census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
