I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
