He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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