When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
