you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
