Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
