I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I AM VODKA MAN
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize