Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize