i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
