If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
