I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Michael Bay diarrhea
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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