So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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