STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
