Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
