i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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