Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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