Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize