Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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