A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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