i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
