I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i've created a new STD.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
