she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
