Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
