Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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