I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
me + whiskey = a bad person
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