He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
