No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
