I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
