I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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