its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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