she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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